The day everything got derailed. . .

So there's a reason I haven't posted for almost a week. Over the past week, my back got more and more sore, to the point where I had issues standing up (really, really scary). I finally went to see a physical therapist on Monday, who told me I needed to go on bedrest and not bend or do really anything, as there was a very, very good possibility that I had a herniated disc. After freaking out, then doing a bunch of research and finding out that only 10% of herniated disc cases go to surgery, I focused on just not straining my back or anything else. It's been tough. I find out on Friday if I need an MRI. Imagine it, though, he told me I needed to lose weight. No kidding.

Taking this opportunity to eat healthier and focus on what I need to get done. No longer just focusing on the weight loss but moving forward and making my body stronger. It's pretty scary.

Why?

It's been a bad couple of weeks. I ate like crap, made excuses like it was my job, and threw out my back (so long, exercise), though that's getting better. I needed a reminder of some of the reasons why I must move forward and meet this goal:

1. To be healthier
2. To wear that stunning dress I bought as motivation.
3. To be able to be comfortable in those airplane seats.
4. To be able to walk into any store and buy clothes off the rack.
5. To not die young due to a heart attack.
6. To be there for my family and friends.
7. To have more energy.
8. To be less self conscious in crowds.
9. To learn to love healthy foods, rather than craving junk food.
10. To stop making excuses about why I'm not achieving my goals.

I'm good during the days when I'm at work, it's the evenings and weekends that kill me.  I know losing weight will not make my problems go away, but it will let me move forward in a more positive way. I'm not losing weight for other people, I'm losing weight for myself. This blog and this process is completely selfish and self-involved. I can lose the weight. I can become a healthier me. I can move forward. I must not be negative. Onward.

Back pain and guests

Not only did I throw out my back, eliminating exercise, but I got off schedule with guests. Tomorrow I'm back on track-- packing a lunch instead of meeting a friend for lunch, making sure I don't let myself eat out two meals in a row. I invited people over to meet her, instead, which will help me control what I eat. No excuses.

A little better

Ate around 1800 instead of 1400 calories, but I walked for 45 minutes and I declined to have beer, both of which I'm pretty proud of. Small steps.

Angry with myself

I hate weekends. I am incapable of self control and eat too much. As I sit here with my Mcwrap and french fries, I want to cry into my food. Emotional eating and making excuses made up my weekend.

Back on track tomorrow. If not, I need to reevaluate everything.

Poor, poor, choices

Two days of crap choices. I ate more than 2000 calories today alone. I've been grumpy and a little down, and that leads me to getting unfocused. I used a headache as an excuse not to exercise yesterday and am really disappointed with myself. The gym is closed for the long weekend and I can't get back there. I'm going to do my dangnest to make better choices tomorrow, despite the fact that I'm making cinnamon rolls and bagels. I'm going to make egg whites for myself and limit how much I drink. It's when I have wine or beer that I run into trouble-- all good intentions float right out of my brain.

Better choices. I need to make better choices and stay on track. Even on the weekend.

Redistribution

Looking back on my day, I realized that I ate more than half my calories after 4pm (but before 7pm, which is better than nothing). That needs to change. I read somewhere that I should be eating more of my calories earlier in the day so I can burn them off. So tomorrow I'm going to attempt to start with a few more calories in the morning.

My weigh in resulted in the loss of less than half a pound. At least I didn't move in the wrong direction. That means I have 78.6 pounds left to go. I need to step it up. Starting next week I need to start cardio once a week instead of just three days of weight training, which would mean four days in the gym, which can only be good.

I also need to drink more water. I only had five glasses of water today, the goal is eight.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1444

Tired but happy

Pushed myself at my workout today and am exhausted, but so happy that I did it. I didn't finish my workout, but I made it 80% of the way through and am really proud of what I accomplished. Lots of positive energy that I channeled into salad, a smoked pork chop, and some mashed potatoes for dinner.

I totally did not want to work out today. I didn't drink enough water so was headache-y and annoyed with the world, but I had my routine put together and knew that I needed to make up for the pizza and beer last night. Tomorrow's my weigh in and, while I'm terrified that I actually gained weight this week, I'm going to focus on what I accomplished today. Small steps.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1359

Pizza and beer

Today I went over my calorie allowance, but I'm going to make up for it tomorrow by staying in for dinner and eating a very healthy breakfast and lunch (and dinner, but that's getting ahead of myself). I looked back and found myself making excuses, so today I'm going to identify the factors that led to me overeating.

1. There was beer. And a pitcher of beer rather than keeping to one serving.
2. There was pizza and the only option I should have gone for on the Italian menu was salad, which I justified as not being good to have with beer as it would leave me with an empty stomach. Not a good justification. Note to self: identify a healthy alternative and stick with Diet Coke if you go back. Which I am planning on doing next Tuesday to meet up with friends.

Okay, so I have a plan. It's okay to make mistakes, but I need to catch myself when I overeat and to understand why I'm doing it. It's all about a transformation from where I have been to a healthier future me. No more excuses.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake (estimated): 2460

Back on track

Today was a good day-- finally. I ate well and got in a little weight training before going to a play with friends in the evening. And when I got home, I drank a glass of water and put a piece of gum in my mouth instead of eating something and ruining my good day. I feel good about this again.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1329

What happened

Today I failed again. My fears about an unstructured weekend came true. I need to be more disciplined, and drink less wine. I always overeat when I drink more than one glass of wine and I need to remember that, no matter what. In order to recover from the weekend, I'm packing my lunch and workout clothes tonight and plotting my meals for the rest of the week. That way I don't have any excuses for tomorrow or the rest of the week.

I will lose the next two pounds. I will. Four days until my next weigh-in.

Not such a good day

Fell off the wagon. Hard. I ate like crap, no clue how much I ate, and I feel disgusting. My stomach is griping at me and I feel blah.

Tomorrow I'm tracking my food and jumping right back up. One day can't force me to fail. Tomorrow is a new day and I will succeed.

Now to get some tums. . .

Ladies Night

I'm posting early today as I'm planning on hosting a ladies night tonight and am pretty sure it means that I will not get to post at that point. I'm serving wine, cheese, crackers, a Greek salad, chicken bites, popcorn, biscuits (homemade), and a couple of other things. None of which add up to be super healthy, but I'm really looking forward to it. I'm not tracking what I'm eating tonight, so no daily calorie goal or actual result for today!

My focus is going to be on paying attention to when I'm full and not eating above that. This is an experiment. Tomorrow it's right back on the wagon in tracking everything that goes into my mouth. I'm having friends over for  Harry Potter marathon, but I'm going to try making separate meals for myself other than the snacks I'm making for the kids. I have a game plan, and I'm going to stick to it. And no alcohol for me tomorrow.

Today I went to the gym during lunch so I would have time to prep for tonight. I'm really proud of myself, though walking up the stairs back to my office was more challenging (too many split and gladiator squats, ouch!). I consider today another win.

I haven't been this positive about diet and exercise for a long time, and I'm just going to go with it. I know things will not get easier, so I'm enjoying it as much as I can.

79 pounds to go!

I'm trying not to get too excited, but according to my weigh-in this morning, I lost eleven pounds in the past week. I am cautioning myself against raising my expectations, because I know a lot of it is just water weight (amazing what happens when you drink eight glasses of water a day) and probably only a pound or two is actual weight being dropped. I also have to remind myself that it's only going to get more difficult as I drop the "easy" weight. Tomorrow night I have bargained with myself to have a "cheat" night as I invited the ladies over for wine and cheese. You know what? I'm okay with that and not losing eleven pounds this week. My goal is two pounds. And I can do it. I just need to run a little more.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1539

11 down, 79 to go, 355 days to do it!

Fitocracy

One of my recent addictions (post January 1) is Fitocracy. It challenges me to continue moving forward towards specific goals and allows me to level up, along with friends, kind of like a video game. It's strangely addictive. Today I am particularly proud that I completed my workout, especially as it was touch and go there for a while. Strength training with ten minutes of cardio in there, too.  And I leveled up.

Even better, I ate well even though I ate at another person's house. One of my biggest challenges is when I go out to eat and can't completely control my calorie intake or how something is cooked. I'm sure I didn't register everything that was in the food, but I'm pretty sure I'm close.

Tomorrow is my first weigh-in after the initial one, and it's the start of the Biggest Loser competition at work, which can only provide more motivation. Though I'm in a little pain and exhausted after my workout, I'm really, really proud of myself for sticking through it. Good day, good week so far.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1393

3500

3500. That's the number of calories you have to burn in order to lose a pound. The first time I read that number (not going to lie, rediscovered it this morning while googling), I was floored. I thought to myself, what a depressing figure.

Then I processed how much time it takes to put on weight. I did not get to where I am now overnight; it was a series of poor choices over many years. So each week my goal is to burn at least 7000 more calories than I take in, which is the "simple" math of weight loss.

I take a lot of inspiration from the Biggest Loser without their crazy intense structure. It's all about calories in and calories out, and it's about building muscle and endurance. Today I ate well, and I have my cardio and strength routine planned for tomorrow with my clothes already packed and at the office. I read on a fitblr that I would never regret working out as much as I regret not doing it, and so far, they're right. Today, I feel pretty good. Two more days until my first official weigh-in.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1281 (never never never go below 1200; that's when your body goes into starvation mode. Also, at less than 1200, I think my own arm would then start looking appealing to start munching on. And always drink loads of water.)

Workout success!

Today I worked out! I ate like crap while watching football afterwards, but I'm proud of the fact that I only had one small glass of wine and kept track of almost everything I ate. And I kept it within reason. It's the small steps and consciously making better choices. So I'm going to consider today as a win, even if I ate 2249 calories. I had a wonderful time watching a football game, worked out, and had a delicious glass of wine.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 2249 (or thereabouts, may be around 2349)

I'll post my exercise plan tomorrow. For now, off to bed.

Rediscovering eggs

Today I rediscovered the gloriousness that are egg whites. I saute'ed some onions with some spices in a pan, then added parmesan cheese and wild rice before adding the egg whites for a scramble. Delicious and only 299 calories (5 egg whites, 1/2 large onion, 1/2 cup wild rice, 1/4 cup cheese).

Also stayed on goal for the second weekend day, which, for me, is a minor miracle (and involved a lot of self control and popcorn for when I got the munchies).

I also prepped lunch for Monday and Tuesday, and I plan on trying to grab bananas after work tomorrow. They're a life saver for breakfast. I'm also trying to get up half an hour earlier to make sure everything's set for the day. This is the first week that I'm going to be specifically trying to get to the gym every day. Have to start somewhere.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1249

Exercise goal for this week (not today): 30/min, 5 days/week. Total: 2.5 hours. 3 days of strength training, 2 of cardio.

Also going to try giving Fitocracy another chance.

I know the experts keep saying not to make goals too ambitious, but I refuse to let myself continue making excuses about why I can't make it to the gym. I had a really good pattern earlier this year and saw results slowly but surely. Time to start again.

Rain rain go away

It rained all day today, which made going to the airport (approx 1.25 hours from my house) a royal pain. It did help with my motivation to cook a good dinner, however, and I restocked on some fresh fruits. I'm hoping to have grapefruit and oatmeal for breakfast, which should be tasty. Stuck with soup as I'm still feeling horrible. I also did a simple abs routine, with 10 traditional crunches, 10 oblique on each side, and 10 reverse crunches. Not complicated, but it's a start. I also resisted having beer while watching the football game. It was much easier than I expected.

The biggest win? I kept to my eating goals. FTW! Now if only the Vikings would beat the Packers. . .

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Actual calorie intake: 1502

Dreading the weekend

Friday went pretty well. I ate leftover soup for lunch and dinner and made some oatmeal for breakfast. Nothing too fancy, but all the warm food helped the cold so hopefully I'm in better shape for work after the weekend. I didn't make it to the gym (again)-- my sinuses are driving me bonkers and all I want to do is sleep. I just want to get better so I can jumpstart the exercise portion of my plan.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Real calorie intake: 1544 (a little over, but still not horrific)

I'm dreading the weekend, just like I always do. One of the most difficult things for me to do is establish a routine, and the workday makes it easier as you have breakfast before you leave, lunch at a designated time midday, and dinner after you return in the evening. The unstructured weekend, when I often sleep quite late or go out with friends, is a huge challenge. I want to eat more since I'm relaxing or eat at the wrong times of day, and I'm less likely to keep track of what I eat.

Some friends have told me not to worry about the weekend, that eating right the majority of the time will help me to lose weight, but I have found that attitude to be self defeating. If I were writing something for work, would I erase a portion of it during the weekend because I could make it up the next week? Of course not. I have to hold myself to the same standard while working on myself. Well, here we go.

Best Laid Plans

As always, the best laid plans always have some sort of curve ball thrown into them. In today's case, it's a rather horrible cold/sinus infection combination. I'll spare you the details, but all was not lost! The day started pretty awful, as the first day back from vacation usually does, but quickly turned around. My quick food run at noon to the local fruit and veggie mart as well as the grocery store to get some popcorn revitalized me and reminded me of just how fun cooking for myself can be.

Found my starting weight: 235.8
So the end goal for Dec 31 is: 145.8 (with the final 10 pounds to be lost in 2014)

I'll do weekly weigh-ins on Thursdays to track my progress.

Daily calorie goal: 1400
Real calorie intake: 1269

Today I ate very well-- made chicken wild rice soup for dinner, which has a recipe included below. It's one of my favorite go-to recipes for when I'm not feeling well, and the bonus is that it's pretty low calorie while still being really filling.

I also did a short at-home routine that began my attempt to start strength training in earnest.

So, for those who love chicken, wild rice, and soup, here it is:

Ingredients:
Pam spray
1 finely chopped onion (about 3/4 to one cup)
1/2 c. grated carrots
3 cloves garlic (or to taste. I love garlic.)
1/2 lb. sliced mushrooms
1/4 c. all purpose flour
6 c. chicken broth
2 c. cooked wild rice
1 lb. boneless skinless chicken breast (I use around 4 chicken breast halves)
1/2 t. salt
1/2 t. curry powder
1/2 t. mustard powder
1/2 t. ground black pepper
3 T sweet white wine
2 c. skim milk

Directions:
Spray pan with Pam and saute chicken, onion, garlic, and carrots for five minutes (or until chicken is cooked through). Add mushrooms and saute for two more minutes (low enough not to brown). Then add flour and stir well. Gradually pour in the chicken broth, stirring constantly, until all has been added. Bring just to a boil, then reduce to low heat and let simmer. 

Next, add the rice, salt, curry powder, mustard powder, ground black pepper, and wine. Allow to heat through, then pour in milk. Let simmer for 1 to 2 hours. (Note: Do not let boil or your roux will break.)

Nutritional information: approx 292 calories for a fourth of the recipe, though this is not necessarily completely accurate. I used myfitnesspal to calculate it, but good luck!

You have such a pretty face!

Have you ever heard that dreaded phrase, usually from a well intentioned relative or that bitchy girl trying to be nice, "You have such a pretty face, if only you would. . . " and then insert something that you should change. "Oh sweetie, you would be so pretty if you just lost a little weight."

Everyone has in their New Year's resolution some sort of "be healthier" goal, usually involving their ideal weight. Step one, however, involves goals. Specific goals that I will use in the short and long term.

Long term goal: Lose 90 lbs by December 31, 2013.

How to pace myself: 2 lbs/week. Any more than that is not healthy and not recommended by doctors.

Now, 90 lbs may seem like a lot, but you're talking to a 5'4" girl who's floating around 232 (ouch, wincing even as I type the number). I'll post the real starting number on Thursday morning when I'm done with travel, but I needed to start this before I chickened out.

So, after knowing what numbers I'm aiming for, I need to figure out how to do it. Myfitnesspal.com is a great food tracking resource (and better yet, is free!). I know that losing weight isn't rocket science, it requires consistent dedication and effort, starting with tracking what goes into your mouth and how much exercise you do.

For this week, my goal is to get to the gym on Thursday afternoon and Saturday for a full strength training workout and spending Friday afternoon doing cardio (only 10 minutes on Friday, though). Ambitious? Very. Let's see how it goes.